Example Personal Statement

1. Exercise: Analyze a personal statement

   1. The writer starts by talking about how this interest has been life-long and gives examples from his childhood.
   2. To explain why the university/program would be a good fit
   3. Yes. It goes from more general about creativity/art, to more specific applications of skills, and finally down to the specific connection between these ideas and the university/program.
   4. Yes. "My skills and personal experiences make me useful for this [Name of Program] as it would considerably conduct me to achieve my goals. There are a lot of things I know I can do with the learning environment and creative process during [Program Coursework]. This [Name of Program] is the ideal for me, I want to be part of its community."
   5. A connection to the program/university in the second paragraph could help it be more directly related to the prompt and the audience's purpose in reading this personal statement.

2. Exercise: Admissions Essay Brainstorm

1. Answers will vary; an example of an imaginary student is provided here if needed to model for students: UVU nursing program.
2. https://edtechbooks.org/-quyI
3. Worked as a receptionist at clinic in hometown, multiple languages (Spanish, Portuguese, English) with high TOEFL scores/OPI, high grades in High School, some coursework completed at university in home country, patient, hard-working, detail-oriented
4. Location (close to many work opportunities), highly ranked program, cost of program for international students
5. Work experience, show hard-working/patience by talking about language skills, find out more about international student enrollment/acceptance in nursing program.
6. Experience at clinic of working to support nurses on a particularly stressful day, personal experience navigating a new health care system and the language needed to communicate medical needs 

3. Exercise: Statement of Purpose Brainstorm

   1. Answers will vary; an example of an imaginary student is provided here if needed to model for students. Career options, programs exist in the US that don't exist in home country, make more friends around the world, travel, easier than another language option
   2. Having access to different education options through a second language allows me to specialize in an area I'm interested in and is needed in my country, learning English has been difficult but has shown me that I can persist through difficulty, the friendships I've created with not just Americans, but with classmates have widened my worldview
   3. It's very expensive to study English, it's time away from my main goal, it can be discouraging when you don't feel like you're making progress, distance from family during a difficult time
   4. Difficulty connecting with roommates (6 person apartment, 3 different nationalities, 3 different languages), living alone for the first time, repeating AA level, expectations of sponsor to progress faster

Organization for Comprehensive Personal Statement

1. Exercise: Storytelling

   1. Answers will vary; example provided for #3. I believe that honesty and trustworthiness are essential qualitites to have. This became clear to me during my first job at a local restaurant. I remember a time when my supervisor was taking a break and some classmates of mine from high school came to the restaurant. They pressured me to give them a discount or free food because we were friends and my supervisor was nowhere to be seen. The thought crossed my mind that it wouldn't be a big deal, but I realized that I wanted to be an employee that could be trusted. From that moment on, I became more aware of all of the actions at work or school that look small but actually show how trustworthy we really are. I believe that my awareness of these small choices and desire to be honest and trustworthy make me an ideal candidate for [name of job] because success in this job relies so much on others having confidence and trust in my work.

Organization for Personal Statement with Prompt

1. Exercise: Analyze the Prompt

   1. That I have researched this school, awareness of competitive nature, expression of grit and perseverence, an explanation of strengths that shows a true understanding of what will be expected
   2. I cannot just use the obvious answers: many people are hard-working/smart/interested in business, many people speak more than one language, etc. I need to think of strengths differently, use compelling examples/stories, or describe a common strength (like positive attitude) in a unique way.
   3. It can be ok to show how a weakness became a strength (example: shy child becomes confident teenager by trying new things even when it was challenging). Do I want to highlight growth? Or focus on the strength as it is now?
   4. My application includes my grades, extracurricular activities, and demographic information. However, just knowing that I played on a soccer team and participated in debate club does not actually show that it was how I overcame my shy nature.

2. Exercise: Give Feedback on Development

   1. Answers will vary. How does open-mindedness connect to financial conditions? This idea is confusing. Can you be more specific about these friends that help you understand other cultures better? How does that really show YOU? The last sentence about governments does not feel connected.

3. Exercise: Give Feedback on Cohesion

   1. Answers will vary. "Besides this" is a pronoun referent to the previous paragraph, it creates a transition. Points move from general skill/characteristic to showing how/when it would be observable. The examples are all people-oriented, which makes the connection to the conclusion and prompt clear.

Revision

1. Exercise: Revise a Paragraph

   1. Answers will vary. The sentences are very long, which means the ideas get lost. Divide your ideas up into specific points and see if any of the details are too much. Words like "stuff" don't really mean anything. 

Example Personal Statement

1. Exercise: Revise Your Writing

   1. This is an individual task for students to complete. You may want to model with an example paper of your own how to do the color coding.