Revising

Exercise: Revise a body paragraph

Read the following student paragraph and make suggestions for ways to revise it.

       Introverts and extroverts have challenges to overcome. Introverts seem to be quiet but their minds are loud as well as active. "The tendency to keep thoughts inside is unique to introverted individuals as they process their challenges and consider possible solutions without seeking outside help or opinions" (Makin, 2018, para. 2). On the contrary, extroverts are outside thinkers; they handle problems by verbally communicating with others as they talk about solutions. Introverts hate change, as they cannot easily adapt themselves to new situations. However, extroverts accept the change easily. Introverts and extroverts are able to solve their problems in different ways. "When faced with challenges, extroverts tend to seek social connections and network their way to a solution" (Makin, 2018, para. 3). The function that speaking plays is very different while introverts and extroverts solve their problems.

Exercise: Give feedback

Use these questions to give the author advice about how to improve it. Think about the function of each type of paragraph as well as how sources are used to support the main idea of the essay.

  1. Does the introduction provide the general information a reader needs in order to understand the topic?
  2. Does the introduction end with an effective thesis? Does it match the style of the essay?
  3. Do each of the body paragraphs begin with an effective topic sentence?
  4. Are the body paragraphs sequenced in a logical order?
  5. Look at each body Do the supporting sentences support the topic sentence?
  6. Look at each body Are the supporting sentences sequenced in a logical order?
  7. Look at each body Is there enough development? Are there more details or examples that would help the reader?
  8. Look at each body Does the concluding sentence close the paragraph logically?
  9. Does the conclusion paragraph start by restating the thesis?
  10. Does the conclusion paragraph have a suggestion, prediction, or opinion at the end?

Hurricanes and Tornadoes

       Hurricanes and tornadoes are both natural disasters. They are both swirling storms created by thunderstorms, composed of strong winds, they are composed by strong winds, and they cause a lot of destruction. Their winds can go from 38 mph to 300 mph. Even though hurricanes and tornadoes cause a lot of destruction, they both have a lot of differences such as how they are created, where and how they develop, the consequences of their formation and what happens during and after these natural disasters.

       Hurricanes usually form in the Atlantic Ocean above the line of the equator and over ocean waters with temperatures of 80 degrees Fahrenheit. They are also very common in the tropics. They usually form during the summer and the fall. They usually begin as tropical disturbances that turn into a rotating thunderstorm. When they keep gaining more energy, strength, and power, they turn into tropical depressions (with winds of 38 mph) or tropical storms (with winds of 39 mph) until they become a hurricane (winds can go above 119 mph). These storms can cover a stretch of 500 – 600 miles. To keep track of a hurricane's path, speed and strength, these are given names since there can be more than one hurricane at a time. They are also classified into five different categories depending on these characteristics. During a hurricane the air pressure decreases, the wind speed and the rain can increase, and the hurricane's wind can cause storm surges, which causes the level of the water to rise to 15 feet or more. Hurricanes can cause a lot of destruction. They can tear down trees, electrical posts, destroy houses and flood everything.

       Tornadoes are very common in North America. They are common from May to June (northern states) and from May to August (southern states). They are also formed during thunderstorms, especially when warm and moist wind from the south meets with cold and dry wind from the north, creating a swirling, funnel shaped cloud, also called a tornado. The wind speed of a tornado can go from 65 to 200 mph accompanied by a suction force that can be strong enough to lift things up and throw them around in the air. This destroys anything that is in its path. Tornadoes can cause damage up to 10 miles away. Its winds are so strong they can rip trees from their roots and throw them around the air. They can also drag cars and destroy houses and buildings. Its destructive path is unpredictable because no one knows where it can go. The duration of a tornado can last from 5 to 10 minutes. Tornadoes are also classified into six categories according to their speed.

       Both tornadoes and hurricanes are possessors of big destructive forces. They cause a lot of destruction and are created during thunderstorms, but they are both different because they can happen in different parts of the world and at different times of the year. Their physical characteristics and formation are what make them different from each other, but many agree that destruction is the main characteristic that they have in common, making them similar in effects but not in concept. EXERCISE: Check your essay Remember to complete a self-check (see pg. 22) for your essay before you ask someone for feedback. Good luck with your revisions!