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Revising

1 EXERCISE: Give feedback

Read the paragraph below. What advice would you give to the writer?

       There are physical effects. Music Therapy takes advantage of these physical effects to the benefit of health. According to Turner, Frey, and Lerner (2011), noisier and quicker tones lead to increased blood pressure and heart rate; slower, quieter, and more even sounds generate the opposite effect. As well, music is used as a stimulus directly over the body. Music can also relieve muscle tension and improve motor skills. It is often used to help rebuild physical patterning skills in rehabilitation clinics. Levels of endorphins are increased while listening to music, and levels of stress hormones are decreased. This latter effect may partially explain the ability of music to improve immune function. Careful research demonstrates that music therapy is an effective treatment.

2 EXERCISE: Check your essay

Use these questions to give the author advice about how to improve it. Think about the function of each type of paragraph as well as how sources are used to support the main idea of the essay.

  1. Does the introduction provide the general information a reader needs in order to understand the topic?
  2. Does the introduction end with an effective thesis? Does it match the style of the essay?
  3. Do each of the body paragraphs begin with an effective topic sentence?
  4. Are the body paragraphs sequenced in a logical order?
  5. Look at each body Do the supporting sentences support the topic sentence?
  6. Look at each body Are the supporting sentences sequenced in a logical order?
  7. Look at each body Is there enough development? Are there more details or examples that would help the reader?
  8. Look at each body Does the concluding sentence close the paragraph logically?
  9. Does the conclusion paragraph start by restating the thesis?
  10. Does the conclusion paragraph have a suggestion, prediction, or opinion at the end?