CoverObjectivesParagraphsShapeOrganizationParagraph TypesIntroduction to EssaysShapeOrganizationIntroduction ParagraphsBody ParagraphsConclusion ParagraphsExample EssayThe Writing ProcessPrewritingWritingRevisingNarrative EssaysExample Essay #1PrewritingWritingRevisingExample Essay #2Descriptive EssaysExample Essay #1PrewritingWritingRevisingExample Essay #2Classification EssaysExample Essay #1PrewritingWritingRevisingExample Essay #2Refining WritingDevelopmentUnityCohesionNuts and BoltsAudienceWord FormsPunctuation & CapitalizationGrammarVocabularySummariesWriting for the TOEFLIntegrated Writing TaskIndependent Writing TaskGlossaryTeachers' GuideTeacher NotesActivity IdeasAnswer KeyParagraphs AKIntroduction to Essays AKThe Writing Process AKNarrative Essays AKDescriptive Essays AKClassification Essays AKRefining Writing AKSummaries AKWriting for the TOEFL AK

Refining Writing AK

Development

  1. Exercise: Evaluate development (answers may vary, examples provided)

    1. Paragraph 1

      • Give an example of students using their phones to translate.
      • Explain how cell phones help students study more effectively and quickly.
      • Omit the sentence starting with “on the other hand . . .” to make it more focused.

      Paragraph 2

      • Explain how laying in bed is relaxing.
      • Give more examples of where you can relax your body.
      • Describe the environment more. Is it noisy, cluttered, etc.

      Paragraph 3

      • Explain how art can help students to relax and express their feelings.

      Paragraph 4

      • Explain why it is important to control your health.
      • Relate the examples and explanation more to China.

Unity

  1. Exercise: Evaluate unity

    1. The perfect place to relax is nature. I love nature. It is green and quiet. When I go to a forest, nature, I feel amazing. There are no people, no voices, and it is peaceful. In other words, I love and feel very comfortable with nobody else around. However, I know that some people like noise and they may prefer to be with people in nature. They may feel better and good around people but not me. Imagine a place where there is a river, some beautiful trees, and a place to sit on the ground and look at the birds. The birds’ songs travel from the sky to the ground and the silence of everything else fills your spirit. What else would you want? Everybody likes to feel peace. Peace comes in the quiet of nature.
    2. Cellphones are tools that will help students in class. They can be useful for some students to research information about a topic of which they have no idea. At the same time, cellphones are useful for international students who need to translate some foreign words or explanations in their native language. We are in the twenty-first century, so technology should be used by students in class. This will help teachers to cover their curriculum easier and faster. Cellphones are one of the best tools of technology and are helpful and useful for students in class.
    3. Comedies and cartoons are one of the most famous types of television shows. Many people are used to watching different types of shows of different levels of maturity. On the TV, when listing the show, it warns viewers of mature content and recommends an acceptable age of viewer. For example, there are shows targeted for children and adults. However, some programs are also suitable for every age like “Drake and Josh,” a famous TV show that follows a family with a lot of problems. In addition, cartoon programs are another famous type of TV show. Many children like to watch cartoons because they are written for them and their interests. Some of these programs include “The Coyote” or “Bugs Bunny”. These are old TV shows that have been transmitted worldwide to children for many years. For these reasons, comedies and cartoons are some of the most successful TV types in the world.

Cohesion

  1. Exercise: Practice cohesive devices (some can use more than one cohesive device)

    1. First
    2. However
    3. An example of OR Also
    4. In addition
    5. Both
    6. Also
    7. On the other hand
    8. Finally
    9. For instance
    10. Likewise
  2. Exercise: Write with cohesive devices

    1. Answers will vary, no examples provided
  3. Exercise: Practice cohesive devices in context

    1. In my country, there is a natural monument called “the Citadelle Laferiere” that is very beautiful. It is very beautiful because it is a magnificent mountain top fortress. In addition, the natural monument has many beautiful different types of trees. For example, Citadelle Laferiere has both palm and coconut trees. Also, the view from the Citadelle Laferiere is very amazing. When you are at the top, you can watch the city of Millot. You can also see the beautiful river nearby. Therefore, Citadelle Laferiere is a wonderful place to visit.
    2. There are many reasons why I think that professional athletes don't need to receive a lot of money. Professional sports are entertaining, but they are still only entertainment. The companies that are investing in professional sports only think about earning more money. For instance, there are many children who want to be athletes. However, the main reason they want to be athletes is because they can earn a lot of money. It's good that children want to do sports, but it's not ideal that they do it only for the money. To illustrate, this is my brother. He focused on sports and didn’t think that it was important or necessary to study since he was hoping to become a professional athlete. Yet, he was never chosen and now has to work at a local fast food restaurant because he doesn’t have any other skills. In sum, I agree with the opinion that professional athletes receive too much money.
    3. If you want to find a good job, you need to follow certain steps. First, you need to know what kind of job you want. For example, if you know a lot about business, you will want to find a job related to business. Next, you have to make your resume. This is very important because all businesses look at this paper, and they choose whether or not you get the job depending on what you write there. In addition, you need to put all the important and impressive information about you on your resume: where you studied, what you know how to do, and every other important detail about you that you can give to the company. Then, when you finish, you need to go to the business’s website, fill out an application, and upload your resume. You can also visit the business to ask for a job application. Finally, if you get an interview, you need to be quiet and tell the truth. Trust in yourself because they have all your information and wanted to interview you. As a result, if you follow these steps, you can find a good job and become more professional.
  4. Exercise: Write with cohesive devices

    1. Answers will vary, no examples provided
  5. Exercise: Evaluate your writing

    1. Answers will vary, no examples provided