1 Exercise: Revise for unity and development

Review this student paragraph for unity and development.

       Meat contains essential nutrients that we cannot find in vegetables. Vitamin B12 is one of the nutrients that is difficult to find in a vegetarian diet, and most vegetarians have a deficit of this important nutrient. "Vitamin B12 is required for proper red blood cell formation, neurological function, and DNA synthesis" (Vitamin B12, 2016). Without this vitamin our bodies could be greatly affected and people would start to feel some symptoms related with deficit of vitamin B12 such as, anemia, weakness, loss of appetite, weight loss, constipation, fatigue, neurological damage and some other symptoms. Because nobody wants to have some of these affections, people should eat meat, fish, poultry, eggs, milk and other dairy products so that they cannot suffer from a deficit of this important vitamin (Gunnars,2015).

2 Exercise: Check your essay

Remember to complete a self-check for your essay before you ask someone for feedback. Good luck with your revisions! 

  1. Does the introduction provide the general information a reader needs in order to understand the topic?
  2. Does the introduction end with an effective thesis? Does it match the style of the essay?
  3. Do each of the body paragraphs begin with an effective topic sentence?
  4. Are the body paragraphs sequenced in a logical order?
  5. Look at each body paragraph. Do the supporting sentences support the topic sentence?
  6. Look at each body paragraph. Are the supporting sentences sequenced in a logical order?
  7. Look at each body paragraph. Is there enough development? Are there more details or examples that would help the reader?
  8. Look at each body paragraph. Does the concluding sentence close the paragraph logically?
  9. Does the conclusion paragraph start by restating the thesis?
  10. Does the conclusion paragraph have a suggestion, prediction, or opinion at the end?

3 Exercise: Revise a paragraph

Revise this student paragraph about GMO (Genetically Modified Organisms).

       Secondly, GMO cause mutations in DNA, and are closely tied to cancer and other diseases, and thus mutagenic substances can have dire effects on human health (Norris, 2015). These are the conclusions of a study conducted on 200 rats. The researchers suspect that genetically modified organisms can do evil even to humans. A French study in fact, carried out by Gilles-Eric Seralini shows that GMOs have a toxic effect on animals. This research was con- ducted for two years in 200 rats, divided into 3 different groups and evaluated the effects. The conclusions are chilling. The group fed with genetically modified maize produced with Roundup, began to show the thirteenth month of serious illnesses (huge mammary gland tumors in females and diseases of the kidneys and liver in males). At least fifteen years that GMOs are marketed. It really is a crime that so far no health authority has imposed the realization of long-term studies. As for transgenic varieties with the approval of the cultivation in the European Union are only two: MON 810 maize and potato Amflora by BASF although only the first really grown in the EU (80% of the total area it is in Spain). 44 other GMO products have been authorized by Brussels for the marketing, such as maize NK 603, at the study center. For now, however, they are not of own production and are only used to feed livestock such as cattle. On this point, "The cattle are killed too early because you can experience the negative effects of GM foods on the long run. The life expectancy of these animals is between 15 and 20 years, but now are felled to five, three years, 18 months or even earlier. There is thus a 'no' dry to the request, by various governments, to suspend the current authorizations of GMOs in Europe. At this point, it is obvious that GMO's are dangerous for human being.