Revise a Descriptive Essay
The following is an example of a formal descriptive essay. Although you will not write one this length, take a look at the whole essay to get a feel for the purpose and style.
Exercise: Revise an essay
Choose one paragraph from this example essay to revise. What suggestions would you give the author? Rewrite this paragraph by following your own revision suggestions.
We are living in a world where people are dying because famine, hanger and wars, even worse is the fact that nobody cares about it. Today's world needs people who make changes, people who never gives up and help others in need. Mother Teresa's qualities and actions are the perfect example of what today's world needs.
Insights into Mother Teresa's Life
First, Mother Teresa's childhood was not easy, but it strongly influenced the kind of person she became. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhia was born on August 26, 1910. Being 8 years old Agnes' father suddenly died from a weird illness that remains unknown, as a result Agnes becomes extremely close to her mom. When Agnes was 18, she decided to become a nun at the Sisters of Loreto, an Irish community of nuns, there Agnes' name changed to Sister Mary Teresa. In May 1931, she took her first profession of vows, after that she went to Calcutta to serve as a teacher at Saint Mary's high school (Biography, 2017). As a nun Mother Theresa had to make sacrifices, her names changed, her believes made her moved to Calcutta where she developed her concerning and cares for people. She had to face a lot of adversity, however, she was always willing to make sacrifices. After taking her final vows, she became known as Mother Teresa. Watching the suffering and poverty outside the convent's walls had a deep impression on her. As a result, she asked for permission to leave the school and work among the poorest. Even though she had no money, she worked for the welfare of the poor and people in need (Irwin, 1977). This act shows us how involved she was in the welfare of others no matter the challenges, trials or economic situations she never gave up. To conclude mother Teresa's life is an example of how we can do of this world a better place to live.
Mother Teresa's society contributions
Mother Theresa's contributions to society still have an impact in many people's lives. She did many things to help and improve our society. On October 7, 1950 MoTher Teresa starts her own order "The Minister Of Charity" whose main purpose was to help, love and care all those people in necessity. Today it is an international religious society spread all over the world, they provide help to the poorest of the poor in countries like Soviet Union, Eastern European countries, Asia, Africa and Latin America. They also take care of the shut-ins, alcoholic, homeless and AIDS suffers (Irwin,1977). Nowadays Mother Teresa's order keep helping people in need, furthermore Mother Teresa was concerned not only for the people in India but also for all the people around the world. In 1971, she went to New York to open an American house of charity, when she died, the Missionaries of Charity numbered more than 4000. Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of her work "in bringing help to suffering humanity" (Biography.com, 2017). Mother Teresa's actions had an amazing impact in many people's life, through her houses of charity she helped many people in need and even after her death, her orders and houses of charity keep helping and providing care to those one in hunger and necessity. Moreover, her efforts and devoted love made her won the Nobel Peace Prize. In conclusion Mother Teresa's actions contributions have made this world a better place to live.
Mother Teresa as an example
What can we learn a lot from Mother Teresa's life, however, the next are three of my favorites teaching from her. First, she was the perfect example of humility, humbleness and meekness, who always let her actions speak laughter than her words, as she used to say, "there are the few ways we can practice humility: to speak as a little as possible of one's self". Second, be courteous all the time even with your enemies, people you do not like, even when provoked, Mother Teresa's philosophy was "to always smile", 1 simple smile can have a positive impact in people's life. Finally, "Always choose the more difficult task", Mother Teresa's life was not easy she had to face many challenges and trials, never having an easy way for her tasks but always overcoming barriers to achieve her goals. She showed us that all the world need is loved between each other, if we want to change this world we need to care more about other.
Since Mother Teresa was young she had to face many challenges, these challenges developed in her the qualities and characteristics that she applies her whole life. As soon as she moved to Calcutta she developed her concerning and care for people, moreover, she always tried to help the poor, hunger and anybody who was suffering, even tough, it was not easy she never gave up. Her houses and order of charity keep helping and changing many people's lives, and her qualities of humility, humbleness and meekness and her philosophies are the perfect recipe of what each one of us should do to make this world a better place to live.
Irwin, A. (1977). Nobel Lectures, Peace 1971-1980. Nobelprize.org The Official Web Site of the Nobel Prize Retrieved from https://edtechbooks.org/-mkM
Biography.com, (2017), Mother Teresa Biography.com. Retrieved from https://edtechbooks.org/-PoYw
Chitkara, M. G. (1988), Mother Teresa. Retrieved from https://edtechbooks.org/-EWoZ