Example Personal Statement
Exercise: Analyze a personal statement
- How does the writer introduce himself?
- Look at the prompt below. Do you think that the author appropriately responded to all of the prompt?
- Are the ideas sequenced in a logical order?
- Is there a clearly stated purpose (conclusion) in this personal statement?
- What suggestions would you give this writer to improve the personal statement?
Prompt: Have you become aware of significant needs in your family, school, and/or community? Please explain how you have worked toward meeting those needs. (300 words max)
Through my studies and professional career, I have had the opportunity to serve in different areas. Before graduating from university, I did social service in a nonprofit organization called [Organization]. [Organization] is in [City, Country] and its objectives are to empower women from the poorest valley in [City] to have better opportunities, be healthy, and start their own businesses. My role was to help women find opportunities to eat healthier, prevent diseases, and be self-sufficient. I worked with a group of nurses and doctors to create and teach workshops on how to choose healthier options. Due to their low income and lack of food available, the most significant challenge was their limited variety of food. Thus, we had to create specialized meal plans that fit their necessities but were also easily accessible for them. We also taught them how to cook their meal plans with the food they had available at that time. In addition, although the organization I worked for didn't ask me to teach their families, I took the time to provide information to them because I thought it was important for the patient to have support from their family so that the patient could reach their goal easily. That experience not only opened my perspective and helped me recognize the diversity that we have in the world, but also made me realize that we, as health professionals, need to understand those differences in order to best treat our patients.