Skill: Cohesion
Now that you have an outline or idea of what you want to write, you can begin writing your draft. Your writing should be organized, developed, accurate, and original. It is always important to develop your ideas with accurate details, but in a persuasive essay, it is especially important that your development and ideas are organized in a logical way. You will need good cohesion for your reader to best understand your opinion and support that opinion.
Cohesion is when the ideas in writing logically flow from one idea to the next idea. Writing paragraphs that have good sequencing will help your readers understand your ideas more clearly. Sometimes you will have a clear order that relates to time. Sometimes you will have an order from least important or impactful to most important or impactful. Sometimes the order is more flexible and there is not one perfect way to sequence the sentences.
Cohesion may happen at the sentence, paragraph, or essay level. You will need cohesion between parts of a sentence, between sentences in a paragraph, and between paragraphs in an essay. Compare the examples of paragraph-level cohesion below. The first paragraph has poor cohesion. Some details may seem to suddenly appear or the ideas may seem to jump around.
Example: Body Paragraph (Poor Cohesion)
Food, housing, and industry are important in our society. If we do not have those, it will be much harder for us to live. As much as human life is important, animal lives are important, too. I think preserving land for endangered animals is more important than the human need for land. Mostly, if human beings decide to use the land for food production, housing, or industry, it is mostly difficult to reuse that land again. If humans do something on the land, it can be said that the land is no longer able to remain.
Example: Body Paragraph (Revised for Cohesion)
Food, housing, and industry are important in our society. If we do not have those, it will be much harder for us to live. However, as much as human life is important, animal lives are important, too. We should consider the long-term effects of our use of lands on endangered species. To be more precise, if human beings decide to use the land for food production, housing, or industry, it is more difficult to reuse that land again. If humans do something on the land, it can be said that the land is no longer able to remain in its true nature.
Cohesion throughout Your Essay
To write with cohesion, you will need to write with 'logical flow'. However, 'logical flow' may be different by culture. In American-style academic essays, the flow of an argument is very direct. It is like a straight river from point A to point B. There are no bends or deviations. Maybe the river is long; it might be from point A to point Z, but it will still flow directly. This can be seen at the essay level getting from the introduction ideas to the conclusion ideas, or it can be seen at the paragraph level going from the topic sentence to the concluding sentence. It can also be seen at the sentence level going from one idea in a word, phrase, or clause to the next idea in a word, phrase or clause.
Logical Flow
Image: 2022 Barraza
Here you can see two paragraphs as rivers.
The first paragraph has clear cohesion between all the sentences. The idea that ends the sentence starts the next one as shown with the arrows. Where help understanding the connection is needed a cohesive device is used as shown with the boxed words. There is even cohesion with what would be other paragraphs because "one reason" implies that the other body paragraphs will look at other reasons public transportation is good.
The second version of the paragraph has all the same sentences as the first, but it also has two extra sentences, B1 and C1. These sentences seem a little connected with the topics of the previous sentences; they talk about dollars and gas. However, they don't really connect with the sentence that follows after them. So the reader may be confused why the writer went in a different direction for a while if it didn't really help the main idea of the paragraph.
There is also one last pattern of poor cohesion that is not shown in this image which is when the paragraph goes completely off-topic. For example, if the paragraph started talking about conversion rates between the dollar and the Euro and then what factors contribute to that and how the Euro compares to the Yen and so on. This leaves the main idea behind and is like a separate river splitting off to go in a different direction.
For an American-style academic essay, try to keep the river of thought flowing directly to the conclusion.
Let's look at how sentences might have cohesion with one another.
Example using sequencing
1) Sentence 1 = idea A then idea B. Children should not have access to social media
before the age of 5.
2) Sentence 2 = idea B then idea C. Accessing social media before the age of 5 can
expose children to inappropriate content.
3) Sentence 3 = idea C then idea D. Inappropriate content can harm children.
Notice how the idea that finishes one sentence starts the next sentence. If we were to take out sentence 2 and just say "Children should not have access to social media before the age of 5. Inappropriate content can harm children.", the reader might infer the connection between the two sentences. However, the sentences in this example are simple sentences with simple ideas. With longer more complex sentences containing many ideas, your reader might not be able to infer the connection and would just be confused. It would seem like you jumped from one idea to a completely unrelated idea.
The sentences connect through the order or sequencing of ideas. The B idea of the first sentence is repeated or referenced in some way at the start of the next sentence to show how the ideas are connected. If an idea isn’t repeated or the next sentence is just idea C, then a cohesive device (word or phrase such as those from the list below) is needed to show how the ideas connect.
Example with cohesive device
1) Sentence 1 = idea A then idea B. Children should not have access to social media
before the age of 5.
2) Sentence 2 = idea C. Children can be exposed to inappropriate content
through this.
3) Sentence 3 = idea C then idea D. Inappropriate content can harm children.
In this version, there is no repeat or reference to idea B, so a cohesive device is needed. While students often think cohesive devices can only be adverbs or subordinating conjunctions, there are also many other possibilities such as the demonstrative pronoun "this" used in this sentence. "this" shows that the experience being talked about in sentence 2 is the same experience, studying abroad, from sentence 1. This shows the connection between the ideas of sentence 1 and the ideas of sentence 2. The preposition "through" also helps to explain what exactly the relationship is between learning new perspectives and the experience.
For more information about cohesive devices, see "Cohesive Devices" at the end of this section.
Cohesive Devices
One way to improve the cohesion of your writing is by using cohesive devices properly. There are many types of cohesive devices: pronouns, adjectives, determiners, prepositions, conjunctions, repeated words, transition words, etc.
Some cohesive devices show certain relationships between ideas, like showing contrast or a cause/ effect relationship.
| Showing Addition | |
| Another | Another reason students go into debt is to attend university. |
| Also | Attending university is also a reasy students go into debt. |
| Besides | Besides affording living experiences, attending university is a reason students go into debt. |
| In addition | In addition affording living experiences, attending university is a reason students go into debt. |
| First, second, etc. | Second, attending university is a reason students go into debt. |
| Showing Similarity | |
| Both | The Eiffel Tower and Tokyo Tower share both a similar design and notoriety. |
| Likewise | The Eiffel Tower and Tokyo Tower share a similar design. Likewise, they share notoriety. |
| Similarly | The Eiffel Tower and Tokyo Tower share a similar design. Similarly, they share notoriety. |
| Showing Contrast | |
| However | Meat is known to be high in protein. However, fruit is not. |
| In contrast | Meat is known to be high in protein. In contrast, fruit is not. |
| On the other hand | Meat is known to be high in protein. On the other hand, fruit is not. |
| Whereas | Whereas meat is known to be high in protein, fruit is not. |
| Yet | Meat is known to be high in protein, yet fruit is not. |
| Show Cause/Effect | |
| Thus | The Titanic had very few lifeboats to save its passengers, thus federal authorities now require ships to carry enough lifeboats to save everyone. |
| As a consequence | The Titanic had very few lifeboats to save its passengers. As a consequence, federal authorities now require ships to carry enough lifeboats to save everyone. |
| Therefore | The Titanic had very few lifeboats to save its passengers. Therefore, federal authorities now require ships to carry enough lifeboats to save everyone. |
| As a result | The Titanic had very few lifeboats to save its passengers. As a result, federal authorities now require ships to carry enough lifeboats to save everyone. |
| Consequently | The Titanic had very few lifeboats to save its passengers. Consequently, federal authorities now require ships to carry enough lifeboats to save everyone. |
| Giving Examples | |
| An example of | The Treaty of Versailles is an example of a treaty that ended a war. |
| For instance | Many treaties have ended wars over time. For instance, the Treaty of Versailles was a treaty that formally ended World War I. |
| To illustrate | Many treaties have ended wars over time. To illustrate, the Treaty of Versailles was a treaty that formally ended World War I. |
Exercises
Exercise: 1: Identify logical order of sentences
Each of these sentences combine to make a paragraph. On a piece of paper, write a number for each sentence A-E to show a logical order for sequencing the supporting sentences.
Topic Sentence: Homework can affect students in their social life.
A. For example, someone who is working for long hours in any kind of activity or project is doomed to feel fatigued, and this can lead to increased stress.
B. When students are given excessive assignments to be done at home, they may lose the opportunity to interact and meet with other students.
C. Having good habits balancing social life and school is very fundamental for students (Ralf Heibutzki, 2008).
D. As a consequence, this person may miss some enjoyable opportunities to make friends, have fun and distractive moments, and forget problems and concerns (Oxford Learning, 2016).
E. Time to bond with other students is precious because it can make their academic burdens lighter.
Conclusion Sentence: Interacting socially is a part of life for everyone, and a lack of personal interaction can increase the chances of causing either physical or mental health problems.
Order: _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
Exercise 2: Insert a Sentence
The underlined numbers represent places that the bolded sentence could be inserted into the paragraph. Choose the most logical place to insert the bolded sentence below.
Sentence: They discovered that performance in MOBAs and IQ tests act similarly as team members get older.
1. According to a study, video games can act like IQ tests because they trigger many neuro sensors linked to strategic thinking. 2. In these games, quick reactions are being stimulated at a higher rate, making this a multi-area effective stimulus (Drummond, 2014). 3. The study investigated the effects of two popular video games. 4. The first one was a first-person shooter (FPS) named Destiny and the second one, was a multiplayer online battle arena (MOBA) named Defence of the Ancients 2 (DOTA 2). 5. Researchers claim there is a connection between ability in action-strategy video games such as DOTA 2 and an elevated IQ. 6. This is comparable to the correlation seen in more traditional strategy games like chess. 7.
Exercise 3: Identify misplaced sentences
Read the original paragraph. Identify the sentences that seem to be out of place. Then compare the original to the revised version.
Original:
Some of the benefits of family planning are the easy accessibility to the birth control pill, treatments from doctors, and also inexpensive payments. In some parts of Europe, family planning centers can be visited by a 14-year-old teenager with a possible unwanted pregnancy, or just to receive the birth control pill. It is important to mention that these centers are free, including medical attention. Such centers have some benefits like anonymity, free psychological and medical attention, free birth control pills, and information about other contraceptives. Family planning is a free program where women of all ages can benefit. “If you keep having side effects that bother you after using the pill for 3 months, talk with your nurse or doctor about trying another brand of pill or another birth control method” (Planned Parenthood, 2019. Pa 3). In such centers, patients are anonymous and doctors can prescribe the pill with just a questionnaire filled out by the patient. While patients are able to easily access birth control pills, the supervision of a doctor is needed when taking these pills. Only the doctor can know if the patient needs to change or stop taking the pill before it creates big problems or imbalances in her body.
Revision:
Some of the benefits of family planning are the easy accessibility to the birth control pill, treatments from doctors, and also inexpensive payments. Family planning is a free program where women of all ages can benefit. In some parts of Europe, family planning centers can be visited by a 14-year-old teenager with a possible unwanted pregnancy, or just to receive the birth control pill. Such centers have some benefits like anonymity, free psychological and medical attention, free birth control pills, and information about other contraceptives. In such centers, patients are anonymous and doctors can prescribe the pill with just a questionnaire filled out by the patient. It is important to mention that these centers are free, including medical attention. While patients are able to easily access birth control pills, the supervision of a doctor is needed when taking these pills. “If you keep having side effects that bother you after using the pill for 3 months, talk with your nurse or doctor about trying another brand of pill or another birth control method” (Planned Parenthood, 2019. Pa 3). Only the doctor can know if the patient needs to change or stop taking the pill before it creates big problems or imbalances in her body.
Exercise 4: Revise for cohesion
Revise the paragraph for cohesion. This is the second body paragraph from an essay about practical uses of space technology.
Space exploration has brought new technologies and discoveries. NASA has created technology that led to light emitting diodes, ventricular assist devices, anti-icing systems, video enhancing and analysis systems, fire resistant reinforcement, firefighter gear, enriched baby food, and water purification (Spanff, 2008). Furthermore, the Digital Image Sensor was invented when NASA required to miniaturize cameras for interplanetary missions. This technology we can commonly find when we use the famous GoPro Hero camera. Firefighters use tanks for oxygen to breathe that are similar to packs used in rocket designs. Also, this camera system is used in medical imaging and dental X-ray devices (Bryan, 2016). Most of these inventions have helped the humanity to advance into a new future, not only in space, but for the society too.
Exercise 5: Identify Connectors
1. The following information comes from an article by McMahan, 2023. If you wanted to include all of this information in a body paragraph, what kind(s) of cohesive device could you use? Write the type(s) of cohesive device on the line below.
- Bulking up can be as dangerous as the drastic weight loss associated with more frequently discussed eating disorders such as anorexia.
Associated risky behaviors of skewed nutrient intake and excessive exercise are dangerous.
A growing teen may have energy deficits from either not enough caloric intake or too much exercise.
- They’re not getting adequate nutrition to match the energy they’re exerting either through exercise or their baseline metabolic needs.
2. ...
3. ...
Exercise 6: Draft a body paragraph
Fill in between the sources with your own commentary to draft a body paragraph about why the federal minimum wage should be increased. Use cohesive devices to connect your commentary to the ideas in each source.
TS: While the current federal minimum age may have worked for past generations, it is becoming clear that an increase is necessary for workers to afford for their basic needs.
- “Raising the minimum wage to $15 would help ensure that more low-wage workers are paid enough to cover basic living expenses, i.e., a wage providing a modest yet adequate standard of living. As of 2021, in virtually all urban and rural areas of the country, a single adult without children working full time must earn more than $15 per hour to have enough to pay for housing and other basic living expenses. For individuals with children, year-round work at a $15 wage in 2025 will still be inadequate to achieve basic economic security" (David Cooper, Zane Mokhiber, and Ben Zipperer, “Raising the Federal Minimum Wage to $15 by 2025 Would Lift the Pay of 32 Million Workers,” epi.org, Mar. 9, 2021).
- "[H]igher minimum wages do not have adverse effects on employment, or the weeks or hours worked among minimum wage workers — even four years after minimum wages are increased. We didn’t find adverse employment effects among women and minority groups, either. As a result, we determined that the United States can raise pay to $15 an hour by 2024 without hurting jobs, even in low-wage states" (Anna Godøy and Michael Reich, “The US Can Raise the Minimum Wage to $15 without Hurting Jobs,” cnn.com, July 11, 2019).
- “Economic inequality continues to increase in the United States. The richest 1 percent control almost 40 percent of our country’s wealth, while people earning the federal minimum of $7.25 per hour are living near or below the poverty line in almost every state. Women, who make up two-thirds of the minimum wage workforce, are most severely impacted" (Sarita Gupta, “Why Women Fight for $15 Minimum Wage,” Women’s Media Center, Jan. 10, 2018).
Exercise 7: Revise for cohesion
Revise the paragraph for cohesion.
- Nowadays education should be free for every individual. Many people are having troubles getting academic education for many reasons one of them is having not enough money to afford it. There are many countries that nowadays are having troubles to provide good places and good resources for the students. Education helps the people to improve themselves. People can’t get a good education without financial resources.
Exercise 8: Identify false connectors
Read each paragraph and locate connections that are not made logically.
According to a survey in 2008, the American Psychological Association proved that “the number of people with physical and emotional symptoms due to stress was is increasing.” Therefore, an adequate routine of exercise in your life will permit that your body inside has an excellent oxygenation. However, you do not have to put it in extremes routines.
Currently, many companies, such as Volkswagen and Porsche, are looking to change the normal fuel engine for an electrical engine, creating excellent sport cars, that accelerate from 0-60 mph below 3.5 seconds (Philip, 2015). This has indicated that an electrical engine can bring excellent benefits to the ecosystem.
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