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Revising

1 Exercise: Check your essay

  1. Does the introduction provide the general information a reader needs in order to understand the topic?
  2. Does the introduction end with an effective thesis? Does it match the style of the essay?
  3. Do each of the body paragraphs begin with an effective topic sentence?
  4. Are the body paragraphs sequenced in a logical order?
  5. Look at each body paragraph. Do the supporting sentences support the topic sentence?
  6. Look at each body paragraph. Are the supporting sentences sequenced in a logical order?
  7. Look at each body paragraph. Is there enough development? Are there more details or examples that would help the reader?
  8. Look at each body paragraph. Does the concluding sentence close the paragraph logically?
  9. Does the conclusion paragraph start by restating the thesis?
  10. Does the conclusion paragraph have a suggestion, prediction, or opinion at the end?

2 Exercise: Revise a paragraph

Read the student paragraph. What suggestions would you give the author?

       Third is the end of draft. During the Vietnam war, men of more than 18 years old drafted and they were forced to go to the war and sacrifice their life for the country. But after the Vietnam war, President Nixon decided to abolish the draft and change to all volunteer soldiers before the election of 1972. The end of the draft was a significant change for the US. Also, it was not just the abolishment of the draft, but the voting age also changed. When the draft was in place, 18 year olds could not vote. That was a problem that required an urgent solution. The president Nixon, like he promised, ended the draft. According to a CNN article, "This initial foray into 'wedge politics' would help Nixon win a controversial re-election in 1972 in a landslide" ("Five Ways the Vietnam War Changed America,"  para. 2).  So, the law he changed also helped him win the election.

Now compare your suggestions to the feedback given by a teacher.

TS= Topic sentence; CIT = Citation; IR= Irrelevant; CS= Concluding Sentence

       TS Third is the end of draft. During the Vietnam war, men of more than 18 years old drafted and they were forced to go to the war and sacrifice their life for the country. But after 1972, the Vietnam war, President Nixon decided to abolish the draft and change to all volunteer soldiers before the election of 1972. CIT The end of the draft was a significant change for the US. IR Also, it was not just the abolishment of the draft, but the voting age also changed. When the (Why? How?) draft was in place, 18 year olds could not vote. That was a problem that required an urgent solution. The president Nixon, like he promised, ended the draft. According to a CNN article, IR "This initial foray into 'wedge politics' would help Nixon win a controversial re-election in (CIT) 1972 in a landslide" ("Five Ways the Vietnam War Changed America,"  para. 2).  So, the law hechanged also helped him win the election. CS