Example Personal Statement

Since 2016, I have found great interest in the field of bionic prosthetics. Thanks to participating in church activities and community service programs, I met limbless people who have sadly not been able to rely on the right medical and technological support to improve their current lives. I have been able to go through their daily routines and help them in their daily struggles, with things as simple as changing clothes or going out for a walk. Thanks to those small experiences, I have gained tremendous concern for these people and the solution that could give them a promising future. The growing sympathy for this kind of people has led me to believe that medicine and technology should have a reinforced focus for them. Ever since, I have slowly increased my knowledge in general about neuroscience, bionics, and the relation between muscle memory and nerve impulse sensors. Including myself in this matter is my main academic priority as well. 

I have strong reasons that make me believe BYUI has the right program in Electric Engineering for me. My main goal as a university student is to apply all of my knowledge and help in the development of bionic prosthetics for people in need of them. This subject is highly interesting to me, and the Bachelor's Degree Program in Electrical Engineering at your school is very attractive. I am a person who can persist and sustain my passion for this matter, and that will help me to be a successful student and never forget the importance of this work. Thanks to other experiences and the opportunity to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus-Christ, I have been able to develop interpersonal skills that help me understand teammates, peer members, and people, in general, I work with, making me a good team worker that always focuses on people’s necessities. I have grit and love to enjoy whatever I propose myself to do. Through community service I have grown in empathy, through sports I have learned to follow a constant learning curve, through work I have thrived, and because of my mother, I have gained ever-augmenting care for other’s wellbeing.

Obtaining academic knowledge in the subject will exponentially prepare me to reach this dream that I have. In my opinion, as well, the field of Bionic Prosthetics will grow in demand for Electrical Engineers who have specializations in human biology and neuroscience. I believe that starting my career as a BYUI student will be an important milestone in order to achieve my goal and help the people in need of technology to better their lives and not be forgotten by society. Thanks to advances in technology, the future can and will offer great opportunities to use enhanced technology and make it more accessible for people around the world. My goal is to be part of that process, and I am sure I will achieve that goal.


Exercise 1: Analyze a personal statement

  1. How is the writer introduced?
  2. Look at the prompt below. Do you think that the author appropriately responded to all of the prompt?
  3. Are the ideas sequenced in a logical order?
  4. Is there a clearly stated purpose (conclusion) in this personal statement?
  5. What suggestions would you give this writer to improve the personal statement?

Prompt: Discuss a personal, academic, or professional goal that you have. How will attending our institution help you achieve that goal?

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